95 DAYS, 94 TO GO...

Apologies for the lack of blog between multiple deadlines, family emergencies and one horrendous toothache I wasn't in the right frame of mind to write about my quest for a Plus 1. OK excuses over let's get down to business.

Since my last update I've been having a bit of an epiphany and have begun questioning whether in fact I even want a Plus 1 for Ross and Rachel's forthcoming nuptials.

I mean if this Plus 1 becomes a permanent fixture it's really going to mess with my already busy schedule and I will not give up Polercise (don't worry Lana Lang) or any of my other social engagements for, dare I say it, a boyfriend.

And to be fair why should I? If he's lucky enough to garner my attention then he needs to fit around my timetable. "HIGH MAINTENANCE!" I hear Diamond cry - no I prefer NOT SETTLING FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN I DESERVE.
What's wrong with that?

Take my friend Single Lizzie. Prior to this blog she was just called Lizzie but since her scum bag, cheating ex-boyfriend Matt (yes adulterer, your name has not been changed to protect your identity) dumped her she has rejoined the Singleton Club.
But her current predicament got me thinking about the Perils of the Plus 1.

Single Lizzie and the loser had been together for four years and she had no idea he had already checked out of the relationship. When he broke up with her he said he didn't want to be with her anymore, failing to mention that he had been with at least two other girls.

Personally I think she's better off without him. And as my future husband Justin Timberlake sings "What goes around comes around". Let's hope it's an STI.
Now Single Lizzie's back on the market again and I've another mate to go out and bitch about men with. We don't actually sit and bitch all the time - well only when we're really hammered.

I have to give Single Lizzie credit where it's due, she has yet to become jaded despite what he did to her. She is totally positive and is totally up for a laugh.
I'm glad she hasn't let him break her down - roll on the Nicole and Single Lizzie Party Train!

Back to the Plus 1 debate. I know if I don't get a Plus 1 for the wedding it won't be the end of the world I'll still have a great time with my friends - even the smug married Lumberjacks.

And who knows maybe there'll be a few singles at the blessed event to catch my eye. I hear there are two other weddings at the same hotel...anyone up for gate crashing??

So here's the state of play...

POTENTIAL PLUS 1'S - 2 - Diamond is still trying to set me up with the Geek but I'm totally adverse to fix ups so take the hint!

GAY BACK-UPS - 2

WISH LIST POTENTIALS - Wentworth Miller (as always my lover is still on the list), James Franco (I don't care if he's the Green Goblin I heart him!) and Dave Annable who plays Justin Walker on Brothers & Sisters (I swear he's not the ONLY reason I watch the show...)

STUPID SUGGESTIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME - 15

NUMBER OF EXCUSES FOR NO PLUS 1'S - 3

Excuse number 1 - He couldn't make it he's stuck at Terminal 5 at Heathrow, he's been there since April. I miss him :(

Excuse number 2 - He's allergic to weddings. I know it's very odd he's been like that since he was a kid. There's no cure unfortunately.

Excuse number 3 - He's at the bar. I wonder what's taking him so long....(look randomly in the direction of the bar and hope they buy the story)

NUMBER OF RANTS AND/OR PANIC ATTACKS - 12 including this blog!

See ya!

Love Nicole x

156 days, 155 to go...

Anyone ever noticed that the initials of Valentine's Day spell VD? I think that's a hint.

It seems like everyone and their mother is paired up at the minute - and it makes it particularly nauseating because it's Valentine's Day today.

Not that I'm against Valentine's Day - who am I kidding of course I'm against Valentine's Day. But it's not because I'm a "bitter single" I just don't get the point.

If you care about someone then you shouldn't need a cheesy Hallmark holiday to tell someone how you feel. To be fair the only people who actually like February 14 are Cadbury's and the card companies.

Bored by relentless radio DJs playing soppy tunes and clips from Rom Coms I decided to do some research into the cause of my anger today and find out exactly who this St Valentine guy actually was - and it's not that romantic.

It's weird, all these crazy people celebrate this day and no one really knows who he was.

There were many conflicting reports - one says he was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage for young men because he thought single men made better soldiers, so being a rebel Valentine performed marriages for young lovers in secret. When he was caught Claudius killed him.

It's actually more heroic than romantic, don't you think?

Another story says he actually sent the first Valentine's card to himself! Seriously, come on.
Well apparently he was in prison at the time and in love with the jailer's daughter, of course he was. He wrote her a card, signed From Your Valentine......resisting the urge to vomit.....

Maybe I'm just too jaded but these stories end in tragedy and death, like VD is this a hint? For me and my quest?

Maybe I'm not meant to find a Plus 1 because it'll send shock waves to the Earth's core, leaving the planet facing certain destruction....OK I've been watching too much Heroes and Smallville.
But on the Plus 1 front there's more meddling.

I'm not adverse to kind advice but when I'm told certain factions are planning a series of blind dates to help me along I am allowed to descend into paranoia and spine-tingling fear.

Yes Diamond is hatching a plan with her pal I.T. God to fix me up on a date with a guy she described as a "geek" - that's a direct quote.

When I pried further she said he really liked American TV (I'm a HUGE American TV fan), but that doesn't reek of geek. She then replied that he is definitely within the realm of Geekdom.

But she was quick to add that he has in fact had a girlfriend - I think Diamond thought she had conjured an image from Revenge of the Nerds.

So the quips and innuendo continue until this poor guy is sprung on me. To be honest it's not a bad idea but I think there's safety in numbers - hint to Diamond - a group outing might be a little better than pretending to meet me in town not showing up but sending Mr Mystery Geek Man instead.

And I think a questionnaire would be helpful too. I'll send you my questions.

For now I'm still flying solo, Potentials are few and far between...maybe I should get another GBFF back-up...safety in numbers right?

So here's the state of play...

POTENTIAL PLUS 1'S - 4

GAY BACK-UPS - 2

WISH LIST POTENTIALS - Wentworth Miller (he'll always be a potential to me), talking of geeks, hot geek Matthew Gray Gubler aka Dr Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds, and of course the lovely Greg Sanders from CSI played by Eric Szmanda

STUPID SUGGESTIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME - 10

NUMBER OF EXCUSES FOR NO PLUS 1'S - 3

Excuse number 1 - I'm on a blind date but I don't know which guest is him!

Excuse number 2 - He's been called to NASA to help with one of the rockets. What can you do? When Houston has a problem, you gotta go.

Excuse number 3 - He had to go after the ceremony. He's a genius and has just had a major scientific breakthrough that's going to change the world as we know it. So no he's not here but I've saved him some cake.

NUMBER OF RANTS AND/OR PANIC ATTACKS - 8 including this blog!

Get the latest update on the blind date situation next week....

Love Nicole x

PS I heard a really great quote this week. It's from my friend who lives in Canada, let's call her Charlotte (she reminds me of Charlotte York from Sex and the City because she's always so positive no matter what some stupid bloke has done, she's the ying to my yang). She told me - "When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'" (Rita Rudner).
Not so positive today Charlotte :)

DAY 179...178 DAYS TO GO...

It seems that everyone wants to help me in my quest to find a Plus 1 for Ross and Rachel's wedding - some are being a little too helpful....

My married friend, let's call her Mrs Lumberjack, was watching a news report or something about busy people dating online and automatically thought of me - shocker.

Apparently this website offers professional people the opportunity to meet singles they are compatible with online and you can meet them when your schedule permits.

It's supposed to be helpful for us busy singles who don't have the time to go out and actually meet new people. And I have to admit in a way it would make it easier to meet potential Plus 1's but I just can't bring myself to join a dating service.

I am still of the mindset that once you enter the world of online dating you can no longer function in society without a keyboard and a mouse.

Can you imagine after chatting online and building up the BIG FACE TO FACE DATE and having no chemistry whatsoever? Awkward much.

Plus there's the whole potential serial killer element to it all - I mean how much can you really tell about someone over email or a few messenger chats?

Take me for example I don't even use my real name in this blog (most of my friends know who I am, well that's perhaps because I emailed the link to everyone in my address book!)
You get the point.

Mrs Lumberjack isn't the only one who wants to give me hints about dating.

Lana Lang sent me a wonderful link to a website designated to getting singles out there in a self-help, life manual kind of way.

Myreah Moore, a dating expert and author of Date Like A Man, offers a handy guide to find The One.

Being a jaded cynic I thought Lana has to be playing with me on this one and after 30 seconds I had guessed right.

The opening paragraph read: "Before you can find the man of your dreams, you've got to know the type of guy who will make you happy. Take this quiz to determine what qualities you need in an ideal husband and start your quest to finding Mr. Right!"

An ideal husband - are you kidding! Who said anything about marriage all I want is a Plus 1.
Being a good sport I took the quiz and almost vomited a few times.

One of the questions was: You're on a dinner date. When the waiter comes to take your order, you hope the guy you're with....

One of the options made me gag: Your date orders for you, from appetiser through dessert -- you get a kick out of old-fashioned, man-in-command behaviour. Seriously are there women out there who like this??

Note to potentials - NEVER order for me, I think therefore I am, I am quite capable of deciding what I want to eat at any given time thank you very much. Rant over.

Honestly I was scared what they were going to ask me next.

One option asked if my perfect goodnight kiss was a peck gingerly on the cheek and a squeeze of the hand - come on that's not a goodnight kiss, that's a "I don't fancy you enough to stick my tongue down your throat" kiss. No one wants that.

I opted for a kiss followed by a high five...I like to laugh!

After answering all the questions the quiz deemed me destined for The Sensitive Guy, well 40 per cent of my answers indicated this.

According to Ms Moore's quiz my ideal man has a serious case of the feelings whether he wears them on his sleeve or not. And he would as easily listen to ballads as he would stage a protest against cruelty to animals. I do dig protesters.

Coming a close second at 30 per cent is The Fun-Loving Fellow - the most personable guy in the room.

He's a good laugh and can hold his own in any situation but his flirting is his flaw.

As long as he doesn't flirt with the bride he can be my Plus 1 any day!

So now that I know that my soul mate is either Mr Sensitive Guy or The Fun-Loving Fellow, I am sorted, my life makes sense once again, I feel almost complete (insert sarcasm where appropriate).

So here's the state of play...

POTENTIAL PLUS 1'S - billions if you count the potentials on the web
GAY BACK-UPS - 1
WISH LIST POTENTIALS - Wentworth Miller (I watched Prison Break last night and he is so hot, swoon), since watching WM try to escape from prison I've gone of TV cops this week so I'm going with George Clooney (like Carrie Bradshaw said he's like a Chanel suit he'll always be in style)
STUPID SUGGESTIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME - 7
NUMBER OF EXCUSES FOR NO PLUS 1'S - 3

Excuse number 1 - He was imprisoned in Panama as part of a conspiracy against him and his brother. He's currently breaking out so he might make it for dessert.

Excuse number 2 - He's stuck in a conference in Hong Kong. His boss sent him to head up an important meeting for his high flying job. He promised to bring me back a present to make up for missing the wedding.

Excuse number 3 - I asked him not to come because he's so damn gorgeous I didn't want the other male guests at the wedding to get jealous and I can't be bothered with all the ladies swooning over him, it's just too much hassle.

NUMBER OF RANTS AND/OR PANIC ATTACKS - 6 including this blog!

Catch up with my predicament next week....

Love Nicole x

PS Hope that clears things up Lusty Busty (see comment) :)

DAY 171...170 DAYS TO GO...

On my search for potential Plus 1's I have found myself increasingly frustrated with Belfast's mating rituals...before you get any ideas I'm talking about the age old pick up lines.

To all you potentials out there, in no way is it appropriate to bash someone on the head to get their attention - this is not sexy and it certainly won't help you score. This is what happened to me on Saturday night.
I was out for my friend's birthday, let's call her Sally, and we met in the Duke of York for a few drinks (Note to self - this bar is an untapped resource of potentials must make a return visit). Sally wanted to have a dance on her big day so we moved on to Radio K at McHugh's where the incident happened.
Some guy, let's call him REJECT 1, who was dancing like his life depended on it, hit me on the head in a vain attempt to get my attention.
He had already tried this useless technique on Sally earlier and had got looks that would kill in return, so why he decided to have another go is beyond me.
After giving him one of my famous looks that would wither even the evilest of creatures, he got the message.
Boys take note, this is not cool, it's not hot to leave a bruise or wreck a girl's hair.
Nor is it good when the first thing you say to a girl is "wow you've got a big pair". It is a real turn off - Niall take note (yes it's his real name).
There's something about night clubs - and more likely booze - that brings out the ridiculous in people when they fancy someone.
Even my buff GBFF Peter Parker gets mauled by the ladies who have had one to many alcho-pops. He was at the Limelight rocking to Journey when a random girl thought she would be a shoe in if she jumped on his back. When she finally dismounted Peter quickly ran away, traumatised by the experience.
We've all been victims of the old "sorry I accidentally bumped into on purpose, so how are you?" and I must admit it has worked on some occasions but it gets old fast.
In fairness most chat up lines are innocent enough and can be quite funny - humour is a total plus for me.
And if I am going to be 100 per cent truthful - well 99 per cent since Nicole isn't my real name - I am guilty of saying incredibly inappropriate things while under the influence of cocktails.
I saw my primary school crush in a bar once but instead of approaching him like a normal person and asking what he was doing with himself, I staggered up pointed at him, told him I knew him and burst out laughing. My BFF Donna-Karen had to take me away before I embarrassed myself further.
More recently my fabulous friend Lana Lang tried to fix me up with her mate Mr Soprano - not the gangster from the TV show - who was lovely but of course drunk Nicole cannot possibly make normal conversation.
After asking him prying questions about his life and instantly forgetting the answers I asked him why he was bald. (I know not the best move). Turns out he had really long hair and just decided to shave it off.
But that's not the best part. Later I told him I couldn't kiss him because...prepare yourself...I was too sweaty. What on earth was I thinking!! I am certifiable.
I'm sure there is some method to my drunken madness - and I'm still trying to find it.
How embarrassing! Sweat is NEVER something to draw attention to.
Peter the GBFF thinks I need Hitch - is Will Smith available?

So here's the state of play this week...

POTENTIAL PLUS 1'S - 0.5
GAY BACK-UPS - 1
WISH LIST POTENTIALS - Wentworth Miller, Detective Flack from CSI New York - I had to remove Milo after I found out he was dating his Heroes co-star Hayden Panettiere - sulk
STUPID SUGGESTIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME - 6
NUMBER OF EXCUSES FOR NO PLUS 1'S - 3

Excuse number 1 - Marriage is against his religion so he can't make it.

Excuse number 2 - He's climbing K2 for charity but he said he'll try to make it for the first dance.

Excuse number 3 - He's an international rock star and he didn't want to upstage the bride especially with the paparazzi following us everywhere. There's just no privacy these days.

NUMBER OF RANTS AND/OR ANXIETY ATTACKS - 4

Catch you next week - I'm sure there'll be plenty more embarrassing titbits in my quest for a Plus 1...

Love Nicole xx

DAY 180....179 DAYS TO GO....

If Phileas Fogg can get round the world in 80 days, then 180 days should be time enough to find a Plus 1

So here's the problem.
My friends - let's call them Ross and Rachel - are getting married this summer and I vowed never to attend another wedding solo so I am on a mission to find a plus 1.
Of course my recent birthday didn't help matters and during a flurry of Vodka the idea came to me when we (my equally drunken friend - let's call her Diamond) were checking out Mr I Love NY and Mr Movie Star at a local bar.
Suffice to say nothing came of either but here I am at least following one thing through from the night, 180 Days To Find A Man was born.
The clock is ticking and as my GBFF (Gay Best Friend Forever) Peter Parker has informed me I have less than 180 days to find a suitable date.

So here's the state of play...

POTENTIAL PLUS 1'S - 0
GAY BACK-UPS - 1
WISH LIST POTENTIALS - Wentworth Miller, Milo Ventimiglia
STUPID SUGGESTIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME - 5
NUMBER OF NEW EXCUSES FOR NO PLUS 1's - 3

Excuse number 1 - He's an international spy currently saving the world from mass destruction.
Excuse number 2 - He's shooting his latest movie and can't possibly get away for the wedding.
Excuse number 3 - He is here, he's just at the loo. (Note to self this only works the first ten times you are asked after which a new lie must be used such as he's a doctor and got called to an emergency).

NUMBER OF RANTS AND/OR ANXIETY ATTACKS - 2

I think by now you've got the gist, catch you next week for the latest installment of my dating saga...

Love Nicole xx