To all you potentials out there, in no way is it appropriate to bash someone on the head to get their attention - this is not sexy and it certainly won't help you score. This is what happened to me on Saturday night.
I was out for my friend's birthday, let's call her Sally, and we met in the Duke of York for a few drinks (Note to self - this bar is an untapped resource of potentials must make a return visit). Sally wanted to have a dance on her big day so we moved on to Radio K at McHugh's where the incident happened.
Some guy, let's call him REJECT 1, who was dancing like his life depended on it, hit me on the head in a vain attempt to get my attention.He had already tried this useless technique on Sally earlier and had got looks that would kill in return, so why he decided to have another go is beyond me.
After giving him one of my famous looks that would wither even the evilest of creatures, he got the message.
Boys take note, this is not cool, it's not hot to leave a bruise or wreck a girl's hair.
Nor is it good when the first thing you say to a girl is "wow you've got a big pair". It is a real turn off - Niall take note (yes it's his real name).
There's something about night clubs - and more likely booze - that brings out the ridiculous in people when they fancy someone.
Even my buff GBFF Peter Parker gets mauled by the ladies who have had one to many alcho-pops. He was at the Limelight rocking to Journey when a random girl thought she would be a shoe in if she jumped on his back. When she finally dismounted Peter quickly ran away, traumatised by the experience.We've all been victims of the old "sorry I accidentally bumped into on purpose, so how are you?" and I must admit it has worked on some occasions but it gets old fast.
In fairness most chat up lines are innocent enough and can be quite funny - humour is a total plus for me.
And if I am going to be 100 per cent truthful - well 99 per cent since Nicole isn't my real name - I am guilty of saying incredibly inappropriate things while under the influence of cocktails.
I saw my primary school crush in a bar once but instead of approaching him like a normal person and asking what he was doing with himself, I staggered up pointed at him, told him I knew him and burst out laughing. My BFF Donna-Karen had to take me away before I embarrassed myself further.
More recently my fabulous friend Lana Lang tried to fix me up with her mate Mr Soprano - not the gangster from the TV show - who was lovely but of course drunk Nicole cannot possibly make normal conversation.
After asking him prying questions about his life and instantly forgetting the answers I as
ked him why he was bald. (I know not the best move). Turns out he had really long hair and just decided to shave it off.But that's not the best part. Later I told him I couldn't kiss him because...prepare yourself...I was too sweaty. What on earth was I thinking!! I am certifiable.
I'm sure there is some method to my drunken madness - and I'm still trying to find it.
How embarrassing! Sweat is NEVER something to draw attention to.
Peter the GBFF thinks I need Hitch - is Will Smith available?
So here's the state of play this week...
POTENTIAL PLUS 1'S - 0.5
GAY BACK-UPS - 1
WISH LIST POTENTIALS - Wentworth Miller, Detective Flack from CSI New York - I had to remove Milo after I found out he was dating his Heroes co-star Hayden Panettiere - sulk
STUPID SUGGESTIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME - 6
NUMBER OF EXCUSES FOR NO PLUS 1'S - 3
Excuse number 1 - Marriage is against his religion so he can't make it.
Excuse number 2 - He's climbing K2 for charity but he said he'll try to make it for the first dance.
Excuse number 3 - He's an international rock star and he didn't want to upstage the bride especially with the paparazzi following us everywhere. There's just no privacy these days.
NUMBER OF RANTS AND/OR ANXIETY ATTACKS - 4
Catch you next week - I'm sure there'll be plenty more embarrassing titbits in my quest for a Plus 1...
Love Nicole xx
